Wolverine Just Wants His Beer, Bub
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! Sequel to Wolverine’s Birthday Party. Logan has a huge craving for a beer. What lengths will he go to get a cold drink? He’s going to have one hell of a day when he sees who’s selling the stuff. Rated T for violence and language.
1. Chapter 1: Trial By Tooth

**Story**: Wolverine Just Wants His Beer, Bub  
**Authors**: Master Jin Sonata & Time Master  
**Written**: June 2007  
**Genre**: Humor/Adventure  
**Rating**: T (Language and Violence)  
**Authors' Note**: This fic was inspired by a quote from our first X-Men fic: Wolverine's Birthday Party!  
**Disclaimer**: We do not own Marvel, or Wolverine and his craving for alcohol.

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**_Part 1 of 3: Trial By Tooth_**

Tired…

Disgruntled…

Thirsty…

This was not how Logan wanted to spend his morning.

After the fallout during the flawed birthday party the other X-Men put on for him, Wolverine craved the one thing that he knew would make him feel better…

…a cold bottle of beer.

However, he couldn't buy one at the moment, since he left his wallet in an SUV he stole from Sabertooth (Which then got impounded by a cop), and Jubilee accidentally used his last bottle of beer in the recipe to make his birthday cake back at the mansion. On top of that, he wouldn't get paid for another 2 weeks.

The only option was to sneak a beer from a small, local country grocery store near the mansion.

Logan walked alone beside the road, licking his lips at the thought of guzzling down his favorite drink. When he arrived at the small grocery mart, he steps in a heads straight for the refrigerated drink section. He looks up and down through each case, but found no signs of beer anywhere.

"**Shit…"** Logan cursed under his breath. **"This place is usually pact full of alcohol in these cases…what the hell is going on?"**

Logan then walks up to the headcounter to complain to the manager. When he got there, nobody was there.

"**Hey, bub! What's with the beer shortage?"** Logan called out to anyone, but got no response. **"Hey! Who the hell works here?"**

At that moment, his archrival Sabertooth rises from behind the counter. He had an intimidating grin spread across his face as he held the last bottle of cold beer in his hands.

"**You want it? You pay for it!"** Sabertooth taunted Logan.

"**Sabertooth!!!"** Logan growled, unleashing his claws in the process. **"What the hell is going on here?"**

"**Seems like the old manager had an unfortunate accident earlier today. So I'm filling in for him. Got a problem with that?"** Sabertooth explained, teasing Logan by dangling the bottle of beer in front of him. **"There's a new Prohibition Law around here, so almost all of the alcoholic drinks in this store was scrapped, but I saved one last bottle for the next lucky customer."**

Logan growled.** "Yeah, I got a problem with this new rule, and frankly, I don't big a rats ass! I want that beer, now!"**

"**Like I just said, you want it, you buy it,"** Sabertooth repeated.

"**Then I'll just have to pry it out of your hairy little hands!"** Logan said, lunging over the counter to attack Sabertooth, but Sabertooth countered by smacking Logan with the beer bottle, sending him flying across the store and crashing into the freezer case.

"**What's the matter, Berserker –Butt? Lack of alcohol clouding your abilities?"** Sabertooth said to him, laughing.

Logan got up and shook his head.

"**Son of a bitch…"** Logan hissed as he attempted to tackle Sabertooth once again, but slips and falls on his face from the floor being wet.

"**Oops, looks like I forgot to put out the 'Wet Floor' sign,"** Sabertooth said, enjoying seeing Logan making a fool out of himself.

Sabertooth hops over the counter and began heading outside of the store.

"**If you want your precious beer, you better come after it, because I'm going for a joyride through the mountains in my new car,"** Sabertooth shouts to him before exiting the door.

Logan sat up and shook his head again.

"**No one, and I mean NO ONE keeps beer from me!"** he grumbles, standing up and heading out to peruse his arch-foe.

_**End of Part 1**_

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	2. Chapter 2: Trial By Car

_**Part 2 of 3: Trial By Car**_

Sabertooth was in his shiny new car driving through the mountains, waiting for his rival Wolverine to appear. He looked through his rear-view mirror, and saw him.

"**Bingo,"** Sabertooth said with a grin. Logan was running up the mountain road really fast like the T-1000, trying to catch up to the car so he could retrieve his beer.

Sabertooth purposely then sped up to piss off Logan even more. Seconds later, he had lost him.

"**I wonder if that twerp gave up,"** Sabertooth said to himself as he drove around the winding mountain road.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Logan re-appeared several yards down the road from Sabertooth, where he was in the middle of cutting down a large tree with his claws. The large tree then began to fall over onto the road, blocking Sabertooth's path.

"**Whoa!!!!"** Sabetooth yelled as he slammed on his breaks. It was too late however, for the car slammed right into the wooden blockade, tossing Sabertooth out from the front window, and onto the ground.

"**Damn that was a cheap tactic,"** Sabertooth said, still holding the unharmed bottle of beer. He then looked up to see an exasperated Logan marching up toward him.

"**Give me the damn beer, bub,"** Logan growled at his arch nemesis.

Sabertooth smiled evilly as he quickly stood up and chucked the bottle of beer over some high brush on the side of the road.

"**Go get it!"** Sabertooth coaxed Logan.

"**Shit!"** Logan shouted as he turned and went to pursue the bottle of beer once more. After cutting his way through the thick mountain brush, Logan finally spots his drink lying near a cliff.

"**Come to daddy,"** Logan said as he slowly crept up to the bottle to snag it.

Out of nowhere, a bald eagle swoops down and grabs the bottle, carrying it away from the mountain.

"**No you damn bird!!!!"** Logan yells angrily.

"**Aw, too bad. Guess you lose!"** said Sabertooth, walking into the area behind him.

Logan slowly turned toward Sabertooth, fire burring in his eyes.

"**You're dead, bub!"** Logan growls, lunging forward to strike his foe. Sabertooth, however, sidesteps and watches Logan slam his claws into a tree, getting them stuck.

"**Well, see you around!"** Sabertooth said, bidding Logan farewell.

"**Why me…?"** Logan growls, trying to get himself unstuck out of the massive tree.

**Meanwhile At Xavier's Mansion…**

Jubilee is in the kitchen looking for a snack, when Cyclops enters.

"**Say, Jubilee, have you seen Wolverine today? I can't find him anywhere,"** Cyclops asks.

"**Nope, sorry, I haven't seen him since his birthday party,"** she responds, opening up the fridge.

Jubilee goes through the fridge, moving stuff around, when she notices something.

"**Hey, look…there was another bottle of beer here in the fridge…pushed all the way to the back…"** she adds.

"**Hmm…I guess Wolverine didn't see it at all today…"** Cyclops says, scratching his head. **"You know how he is about his alcohol and all, no telling what he'd do if he didn't have one every morning."**

**_End of Part 2_**

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	3. Chapter 3: Trial By Misfortune

_**Part 3 of 3: Trial By Misfortune**_

Sabertooth was walking alongside the mountain highway, whistling to himself as he made his way back to the small grocery store.

"**Heh, making a fool of Logan made my day,"** Sabertooth chuckled.

Then, out of nowhere, Sabertooth was bludgeoned from behind by a giant tree, which sent him flying down the mountain, landing in a shallow lake below.

"**Take that!"** Logan yelled down to him.

After Sabertooth resurfaced, he looked up and saw that it as Logan who whacked him. However, Logan's claws were still stuck in the tree.

"**Why is this guy even after me at this point? A damn bird took his beer anyways,"** he said to himself, getting out of the water.

Back up the mountain, Logan continued to try to pry his claws out of the tree. Eventually, he was able to get them free.

"**Now to find that damn bird…"** Logan said to himself.

**PLOP!**

Logan froze and slowly turned his head to his shoulder, where a hefty lump of bird crap had landed. He then looked up into the sky and saw it was that bald eagle that stole his beer that just crapped on him.

"**GET BACK HERE!!!"** Logan yelled furiously as he ran down the road toward the direction the bird flew off to.

**Several Minutes Later…**

Eventually, the chase brought Logan back to Xavier's Mansion. As he entered the mansion's grounds, he nearly tripped over Storm, who was lying on the lawn, sunbathing.

"**Wolverine, what seems to be the problem?"** Storm asked, sitting up and facing Logan.

"**That stupid bird has my bottle of beer!"** Logan said angrily, keeping his sights on the eagle.

That's when Logan had a brilliant idea.

"**Storm, use your weather manipulation powers to cast a bolt of lightning at that bird,"** Logan said to Storm.

"**Wolverine, that is not a wise idea…"** Storm started to say, but Logan cut her off.

"**JUST DO IT!!!"** Logan yelled at her.

"**If you insist,"** Storm said, shrugging.** "I call forth the power of thunder and lightning!!!"** Storm proclaimed toward the sky.

Soon after, the storm clouds rolled in, and it soon began to crackle with thunder.

"**Heheh, you're toast, bird!"** Logan said with an evil grin.

**KAZAAP!!!**

A gargantuan lighting bolt shot from the clouds, and did not strike the eagle like Logan wanted, but struck him instead, leaving Logan burnt as crisp.

Logan just stood there even more pissed as wisps of smoke emitted from his body.

"**I tried to warn you, Logan. Your adamantium skeleton acted as an easy conductor to the lighting,"** Storm said, rolling her eyes.

Logan was on the verge of crying from frustration, when something suddenly fell out of the sky and landed on his head.

"**Ow…what the…my beer…I finally got my beer!!!!!"** Logan said as he picked up the bottle of booze and began jumping up and down in satisfaction. **"That lighting strike must have scared that bird, forcing it to drop my beer!"**

Without hesitation, Logan popped open the lid and took a swig of the alcoholic drink…

…and spat it out.

"**WHAT THE…THIS IS **_**LITE**_** BEER?!?!?**

_**End of Part 3**_

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**The End!**

**How was it? Please review!!!**

Check out the third installment to this series: **Wolverine Shouldn't Fight Magneto Alone**, already up!


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